Here is our blog. As Elmaz said, she'd like to blog after every workshop you facilitate in order to process your experience, share your challenges and success with others, and to create a forum for all of us to support one another.
I know that most of you haven't started your placements yet, but those of us who haven't, will be starting very soon, and reflection will enhance your experience. I look forward to reading about your adventures in facilitation and community empowerment and interaction!
Hi CTPers,
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, I couldn't figure out how to post a new blog, so I'm adding my first entry as a comment here. Someone show me the way. Until then, here we go:
So far, I’ve had four dreams about my first day of teaching, which arrives this coming Monday, February 22, 2010. In a couple of the dreams, I’ve pulled it off. I’ve kept my confident composure, the kids haven’t hated me, and I’ve articulated a steady stream of somewhat intelligent information about creative writing. In the others, I’ve been stuck in traffic, rushing in out of breath and 10 minutes late, but nevertheless being introduced and watching as things unfold relatively positively. In other words, it hasn’t a total disaster!
This speaks to an anxiety I’m trying, during waking hours, to keep under control. I’m fortunate that the high school freshmen and sophomores I’ll be teaching at College Track’s East Palo Alto site not only applied to be in this after school program but also expressed a keen interest in taking my short fiction workshop. They are already writers, of poetry and science fiction and honest self-expression. I will no doubt learn a great deal from them, as I hope I can help them to learn more about their own voices and creative ideas.
Elmaz told our group last semester that she readied herself as a young teacher by being prepared, in fact by being over prepared. This class will meet for an hour and a half every Monday for the next six weeks. I have a syllabus and have reviewed it in person with the program coordinator. I have reviewed my readings. I am enrolled in Theories of Creativity and Teaching Creative Writing. I am for all intents and purposes prepared, even though I will comb over things again and again. But there must be only so much you can prepare considering the variables presented by a dozen teenage minds, their questions, and their interesting and surely challenging unpredictability day in and day out.
Last night, I spoke to a former teacher who taught math and science to middle schoolers. She, like many have told me, said they will smell the fear on me, if I’m not confident, if I don’t come across like I’m in control and know my stuff. So, despite the anxiety, I will remember I’m there to share a love of fiction with these students, who are already leaning towards a similar passion. I will remember they chose to be there, as I did. I will remember how much I looked up the first creative writing instructor I had in high school. To this day, I can tell you what she looked like, how she carried herself, that she was Australian and used the word “crikey” all the time. I looked up to her because she was successful at what I wanted to be successful at—creative writing.
I will also remember Elmaz’s other comment about bringing a version of yourself into the classroom rather than your true, whole self, and one that is consistent from the first day. To decide on an access point—through humor or listening skills or negotiating aptitude or whatever it is that might set me apart as a helpful instructor or facilitator and from where I might pull my teaching personality from during this experience with CTP. I have to remember that I’m excited to discover that part of my identity, add some tricks to my pocket, and help to pry some new worlds of words open for these kids. And as we also said in Elmaz’s class the other day, we all bring the urge to teach. There is something inherent in us that wants to share and exchange in this way.
Good luck everyone! I also look forward to hearing about everyone’s experiences this semester.
Thanks,
Jennifer
Hey Jennifer, thanks for posting! I may need to send you some sort of an invite in order for you to post in a different manner. I looked for a way to send invites, and couldn't find anything, but this is my first time starting up a blog, so I'm not totally sure how it works. I'll continue to try to figure out if there's a way to get you guys on here, or if anyone has suggestions, you can let me know.
ReplyDeleteYour nerves are totally normal, and you will continue to feel them, but they will lessen as your experience grows. My best advice for classroom decorum is the 'fake it till you make it' approach. It is true that teenagers will smell your fear, but the fact that your students have chosen to participate will make them much easier to engage than if they had not chosen to be in your workshop. Just remember, in their mind you are the expert, and in reality you more or less are. You have studied and practiced what you'll be introducing them to quite a bit before making your way to the front of the classroom, and you have earned your right to be in that position. You know what you're talking about, and you are very well prepared. I'm sure they will be very excited at the opportunity to learn what you have to offer, and to get the kind of attention they will receive in a different sort of classroom than they've experienced in the past.
I urge you, and all the rest of the teachers (even those who will be working with adult populations) to think back to something you were into when you were in high school, whether it was lacrosse, needle-point, or drugs, and think about how cool it would be to meet someone who was older, who not only had that same interest, not only had more experience around the subject, but was willing to spend eight hours teaching you about it. It's really pretty cool, and they will be grateful that you're willing to share your knowledge and time with them.
Another thing to keep in mind is that most of them, if not all, will also be out of their element. Even if they have participated in other activities through College Track, this is new territory for them. They will be far more focused on their own feelings of awkwardness than trying to detect whether or not your confidence is genuine. You are the one in the position of power, and they will likely follow accordingly. Also keep in mind that if they don't, there will be someone from College Track there to offer support if you need to defer to them. But always maintain control of the classroom yourself if possible.
Generally speaking, you have always come across to me as a confident person, very capable, very together, very on it, and I'm sure that is what your students will pick up on too. We all get nervous when something we're involved in something we care about, especially when it's a new experience, but I am sure you will be a hit. You got this girl!
I can't wait to hear about how it goes.
--stri--
Hey Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteYou always come across as very confident --even when I knew you were nervous about the Calvino presentation the whole rest of your being suggested not only confidence in the rest of life, but competence too.
Nicole
Stri and Nicole, I can't thank you both enough for the boost. I feel like I walked into class breathing easier thanks to your kind words.
ReplyDeleteAnd it wasn't a disaster! It felt good, actually. A little fish out of water at times, but not nearly as much as I had feared. I had things to say, and we actually ran out of time, so there weren't any painfully loud ticking clocks in the background!
Stri, your comment about having earned the right to be at the front of the classroom especially helped. I don't take that responsibility lightly or with too much of an ego, but I appreciate the realization that I am capable. And I'll just keep learning from here.
One thing I learned tonight is the power of writing things on the board. It was challenging to get the kids to speak (I'm too used to our grad classes where you can't get folks to stop talking sometimes!). Obviously, open-ended questions don't work the same with with high school kids, so I had everyone go around the room and mention something from their writing exercise and made a list on the board, and that seemed to work.
I would still love other suggestions on how to get the kids to open up more. I'm sure it takes time, and I know from my own youth, that being quiet does not necessarily mean you're not engaged. But if you have any tricks of the trade about how to get all the kids talking, I'll take them! Thank you!!